I’m slowly figure out who I am….

Today I had a realization that I need inner child therapy.

Suffering from mental health problems pretty much my whole life and being in and out of treatment, I’ve had a continuous cycle of destruction in my life. This is terribly frustrating for me, as I want more than anything in my life to be healthy and happy.

But constant work on my self and a desire to be healthy, I have come a far way from where I was as a teenager.

But I’m in a relapse in my life, the problem I have is that my darling daughter will be 7 in four months, she is becoming in-tune to me and her life and I have worked so hard as her mother to change the cycle from abuse and give her a good life with experiences, happiness, opportunities and so forth ….accept my mental health!

I am my worst enemy, I stabagote my life and attract negativity and destruction due to my lost soul. So I think it all stems from my childhood and the traumas I have suffered from. The only way I can become healthy and happy and be Victoria the woman I want to be is heal the wounded child, the child who was hurt by the people who were meant to love and protect me. So to do this, inner child therapy is needed.

As I am opening my mind and enlightening myself, I have learnt that I am a ‘little’ (DD/LG BDSM dynamic) which makes sense since I never really had a childhood and that’s why I am very childlike, sensitive and playful as a person. So my quest is to do inner child therapy and become Torri. I feel like I’ve finally started to figure it all out and I’m ready to transition into Torri.

Things I’m going to be working on is improving my fitness by walking more (60 mins and 10 thousands steps) doing some sort of cardio by gym/personal trainer or myself. Eating a plant based diet and embraceing my little self and finally doing inner child therapy.

Here is to becoming Torri.

Love and light, Torri. X

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Making progress!

Ah man, I’m happy to announce that I am finally loosing weight! In January I hit 14 stone, I was so mortified as I was a size 18, but I wouldn’t admit it to myself. I was miserable, my clothes didn’t fit me and my self esteem was on the floor. The first 6 months were rocky, as per usual the first couple of months started off positive before I went back to old habits, in July I weighed in at 13 st 7 lbs.

August my husband and I broke up and I had the heartbreak diet, I had no appetite at all for a couple of months. In September I got a personal trainer, today (November 12th) I’m down to just under 12 stone. I’ve lost 2 stone in total!

I’m starting to get back into eating a vegetarian diet and by January I will be doing the Veganaurary, which I hope to stay vegetarian there after this time! It will be my third year.

I’ve got my personal trainer till December, then in January I’m going to look into joining a small town gym. I have 2 stone to get to my goal weight of 10 stone and then I will be working on my mind, I have a lot of healing to do.

Love and light, Victoria. x

Hello 2017

So here we are in 2017!!

Hows my year going? Okay, Okay I know we are like on day 2 but still lol I am kicking the new year in as healthy as I can by doing 2 amazing challenges for myself. The first one is Veganuary where you eat a vegan diet for all of January, I did try this least year but I had some difficulty keeping to it, but I’ll keep trying 🙂 You can check veganuary out here:  https://veganuary.com/starter-kit

The second challenge I am doing is a sponsored walk which is: walking a mile a day thought January to raise money for Homestart. Homestart is a UK charity devoted to help families who face difficulties and hardship within their families, they provide support workers and volunteers. You can learn more about homestart here: https://www.home-start.org.uk/about-us Although I am really disappointed that I have only had one donation 😦 I’m doing it with my friend Kat who will be walking 2 miles a day, kat is a lot healthier than me so she is able to walk more. Due to my fibromyalgia and my pain/exhaustion the simple thing of going out and walking a mile a day is a huge thing for me. Learn more about Fibromyalgia here: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Fibromyalgia/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Sunday 1st: My hip was really bad during the night and I got very little sleep and I was worried that I’d be in pain and wouldn’t be able to walk my mile. But Atlas, I was okay and I powered through, I walked to my friend Kat’s house and spent a couple of hours with her.

I ate an apple for Breakfast after my coffee, I skipped my lunch because I went to the shops to buy something and they were all closed because it was like New years day ha ha and then went to my friend Kats house. For tea I had Quorn sausages (x3) and sweet potato fries. Now I am aware quorn is not Vegan, however I have it in the freezer and I’m happy that it’s vegetarian, so for me that’s 100% better than what I was eating!

Monday 2nd: Today I covered 2 miles walking around town to do a few of chores, in which I could only do a couple because most of the shops are closed as apparently it’s bank holiday Monday ha ha I spent like almost £80 on healthy, vegan food today!

I had my coffee and skipped breakfast, for lunch I tried avocado for the very first time! I had a Mexican rice, quinoa and avocado salad pot from Marks and Spencer with a innocent smoothie drink, It came with a chili and lime dressing. I really liked that salad so I will be eating it again. For tea I had another marks and sparks salad pot, this one was a quinoa and black rice with soya edeme beans and a vinaigrette dressing but I didn’t really like it and then I had a soya vanilla yogurt pot.

I’m going to have a green tea in a moment and tomorrows plans are to take my daughter to the library when I have dropped off my son at nursery and do the remaining  chores I need to do in town. I aim to eat the quorn products I have in my freezer first so I can then continue on the vegan diet.

I am feeling motivated and inspired so far 🙂

I got a bellabeat for Christmas too, you can find more info about the female tracker here: https://webshop.bellabeat.com

It’s pretty good being able to count my steps more accurately and my sleep although I would like it to count the calories I eat tho, that would be cool!

So this year my main goal is to sort my really unhealthy diet out, to eat a more plant based diet and sort out my sugar addiction. I would like to be committed to do one exercise class, for an hour once a week.

So what are your goals?

Please sponsor me for my walk here: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/Katrina-Czartowski2

That’s me for now, Torri. x

*All links open up in a new page*

My year and little changes.

So through this year I have tried and made small changes. These are some of them.

LUSH

I go shopping at Lush every so often as we don’t have a store in my town so when I am out and about I go in and buy quite a bit! Lush is a local franchise in the UK of hand made fresh beauty products. Shopping in lush is always such a pleasant experience, the staff are always alternative looking which I love because they are real people and friendly, so smiley and always put me a good mood. The staff interact with my children so I can get on with having a look at whats in store without worrying about them touching things and what not. These are some of the products I have got this year.

Trial boxes, I am on this website and it has many offers and what not on it so I have been trying out some of these things.

Early Bird. 

Which is basically like Graze but much healthier, I only got the trial box, I try and eat healthy and that but I have varied tastes and it’s just not for me. Please note I am deleting my Instagram as I am now blogging here instead.

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Simply Cook. 

This basically gives you four recipes and then has all the sauces and flavorings with said meals. However its pretty expensive in my opinion and although the pots with the sauces in flavorings were tasty It’s much more cheaper to by spices in town whilst shopping.

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Toucan Box. 

The Toucan box is a craft box you can get delivered weekly with crafts for your children. I liked it but it was pretty simple and then I got the Weekend box  which was much better.

Weekend box. 

Me and my kids love this! I get the box delivered every week but it got very expensive, so I changed it to fortnightly and just 2 tasks instead of four but I just changed it to monthly as my daughter (Who changes her mind often like a 5 year old does) was getting a little bored and decided she didn’t like crafting so now they are less frequent.

The boxes come with Craft activities, growing activities and cooking/baking activities. It comes with almost everything you need or household items. I particularly like the growing activities, we had a rain forest, bean stalk and something else that has slipped my mind. This helped me with wanting to grow things myself, however in the smaller boxes we Don’t get the green finger boxes 😦

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Graze:

I had Graze for a while, but I found being a fussy eater even though I wish to eat healthier I just don;t like the tastes and boxes. I did change it to the chocolate box and the flap jack box but I just didn’t get on with them and they started stacking up so I un-subscribed.

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Melatonin: 

I have difficulty sleeping so I reached online and it said that Melatonin helps you sleep So I went on line and bought some. Couldn’t find any English suppliers but got some delivered and boy did it help! It allowed me to fall asleep easier and gave me a better quality of sleep without waking up so much. It was quite pricey but I bought it anyway because I was sick of feeling like a walking corpse.

So after I finished the tub, I went online to buy some more but they changed the shipping charges and it was even more pricey so I went to my Dr to see if I could get any prescribed to me. Turns out in the UK they only prescribe it to old people and children (eh?)

But I might get some more after I move so I can be a little more rested over the holidays and keep up with the busy one, well both my children and busy of course but she wants constant need of attention lol

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Dry air Plant

So I bought myself a Dry air plant, see I know that plants are really good for your system and clearing the air in your environment but I have this issue, I kill plants. I even killed my cactus! So whilst I was shopping I saw an Dry air plant and I thought, perfect. Yeah I killed it.

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Bamboo Utensils. 

Aldis is around the corner from me and every couple of months they have new things in to buy. One day whilst doing my weekly shop I saw these Bamboo children’s sets. These were perfect because I want to clear my kitchen and life out from plastic products and live a more natural lifestyle.

These are great but we have cracked a cup, they were just under £8 to buy a set.

Supplements

Because I walk around like death I bought myself a load of supplements to try and boost my energy and improve my overall living. I bought them from Holland and Barrett. Of course having ME basically nothing can help you, but I tried. I think that if you were a healthy person you would most likely have a healthier body if you took added supplements.

Apple Cider Vinegar tablets help with your Digestive health.

Vitamin C helps you recover quicker from ailments and keep you from having colds and boots the immune system.

Multi Vitamins.

Omega fish oil helps feed your brain and is a good fat.

B vitamin complex is good for energy. Having the Vitamin C helps the supplements work better in your system.

Not pictured is a new supplement I bought which is good bacteria.

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Goals & Dreams: 

I wrote all my desires out and put them up where I could see them, having them up in plain sight helps you be motivated to reaching them.

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Incense and Candles. 

I light these daily just to have a nice harmony and smell in the house. My favorite is Nag Champa.

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Himalayan salt lamp. 

My most recent buy was from Amazon and it’s a Himalayan salt lamp, these have massive health benefits. This one is on every single day in my lounge and I will be buying a new one for my bedroom once I move house next month.

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GYM membership 

So in March I got me a Gym membership at DW gym. Well unfortunately I don’t actually get to use it much due to childcare issues. My friend was going to the gym and she was like “Oh I love it, you should join” and as I want to be healthier, exercise more and being a member of that gym previously in 2012, I went in to inquire. Well little sales people there I walked out with a gym membership which I am annoyed with because I wouldn’t have got it if I knew that all the classes were in the morning and they finish at 1/2 pm.

You see my partner (Husband) works till 1 pm on weekdays and as I am a full time mum to our now 2.5 year old son, I have no childcare to go to the gym. All the classes I want to go to are in the mornings such as Yoga, Pilates, ti chi and aqua swim. Now knowing my body I know there is no point in me jumping in and trying to do vigorous exercise, such as the gym, insanity or Zumba as it just wouldn’t work because I simply cannot keep up and my body tiers easily and aches so much so it effects my every day tasks. It would simply be stupid of me to go and do a exercise class like that as it would take me a week to recover.

All the evening classes are more energetic classes, so I can;t even go in the evening to the gym. I was excited as in September my boy got his nursery placement but he only goes one morning a week which is a Wednesday. So I do manage to get there every now and again.

I wouldn’t have got the gym membership if I knew I couldn’t get to the Gym, my mate was like “Oh my hubby will look after your boy while we go to the gym back in March and it lasted around a fortnight. Not only was I walking like 45 mins from my house to theirs to drop him off, but I felt guilty as owt leaving him there.

Last week I tried a drumming class which was just around the corner and only cost me a quid for a half an hours class. The next day I could barley move I was in so much physical pain it was unreal 😦

I do however walk quite often. Here is one of my step counters 🙂

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Healthy eating: 

I have mentioned in previous blog posts my healthier eating and meals.

This is one of them:

Smoked salmon and shredded smoked peppered mackerel with kale and asparagus with w home made sauce.

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So those are little changes and things I have tried out.

That’s me for now, Love and light Torri.