My story & Eating Disorder

I had a strict upbringing with my older siblings, a brother (+3) and sister (+2)
My mother split from my father (I was 3 1/2 years old or I could have been 4)
My father was (Un-diagnosed) Bipolar, allegedly heavy drinker and allegedly violent to my mother. We didn’t have much (My mother made us clothes, worked 2 jobs and we ate beans on toast sort of thing, on the poverty line at times I believe) Our family were outsiders from the town we lived in as we were from a different country (England) and I was truly the Black sheep of the family being the only Welsh born.
My mother re-married when I was 6 and we moved to the countryside from the small village we lived in. My step father was strict and violent in all ways possible, thus taught my brother that when you get angry you raise your voice and fists. My brother began to sexually abuse me from the age of 10 until I left home. I tried to hang myself the summer before I went into high school and I began to have food issues, I would throw my packed lunch away at school and avoid eating when I could. At age 11 my sister moved away to live with my father some 200 miles to England and I began starving myself, not that anyone noticed and this stunted my puberty growth. My step father started to molest me when I was about 12, only top half my “Fried eggs” he’d call them as I was flat chested till I was 15. When I was 14 my Granddaddy died of lung cancer, I was very close to my grandfather. My Grandfather was my guardian Angel, he looked after me and loved me unconditionally. At the age of 15 I put myself in foster care, somehow I got the motivation and the strength to leave and I don’t honestly know how I left.
In foster care, I was FREE but unloved and lost, bullied thorough school severely, I began self harming and binge eating (I was 80 lbs ish when I left home and went up 60 lbs) Left be be a teenager, I began drinking, smoking, skipping school and I had severe mood swings as I couldn’t control my emotions or connect to anyone, plus I was suicidal. I was binge eating by this point & trying to diet but was so messed up I had no control over myself at all. Aged 16 I tried to make myself sick in my grandmas bathroom but I was unsuccessful, within the same year I took my dressing gown robe tie and took it to the attic steps to hang myself but couldn’t go through with it, I was too afraid. But I managed to complete my GCSCE’S with 3 c’s and 3 D’s! Plus a GNVQ at high school though I was almost suspended months before my exams.
When I was 17 I was thrown out of foster care for fighting and moved 270 miles to go live with my sister. However, she was a new mother at the age of 19 and had PND (Post Natal depression) and moved away to live closer to family. I felt abandoned 18 year old with a semi live in guardian, my Uncle who became aggressive over time and assaulted me verbally. I don’t blame him now though, he was turning 50 and I was turning 20 year old and was a broken person. I began smoking weed and binge drinking and I was diagnosed with Depression when I was 19. I tried to slit my wrists in the bath tub, but it wasn’t deep enough and 3 hours later and freezing cold, I got out the bath tub and went about my day. I wanted my uncle to find me, come rushing in and scoop me up and love me, cry and all that jazz but of course I was un-lovable. But I Completed my diploma at collage doing Childcare and got a job working with children which I felt really proud about.
20 years old l was feeling like I didn’t know who the fuck I was, depressed, lost and alone 2 weeks before my 21st birthday I took a serious attempt for my life. I refer to this as the “Big attempt” I downed a bottle of whiskey with short of a mix of 200 pills.  I didn’t contemplate waking up the next morning and how much of a failure I would feel for years to come. I ended up walking out of my job several months later and was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and GAD (Generalized anxiety Disorder). I started taking anti depressants and dated a bloke for a short while, he abused me mentally & then harassed me for years later which I had to go to the police about. I stopped smoking weed though! (It was only social)
I tried to re-build my life and did a art based course, had my artwork up in a local gallery and completed a NVQ in Art & design although I got bullied on the journey to the location. But nothing I did could shake of how shit I felt inside, my relationships only lasted around 5 months in duration, I was a broken person. I was in so much pain and I was lost and dying inside.
By now aged 21, my self harm was increasing and so was my binge drinking and I became bulimic/anorexic and eventually dropping 40 lbs to 100 lbs. My father committed suicide and well my life was a mess. I got accepted into the University of Derby to do a foundation Fine art degree. I completed my foundation degree year at University despite going days without eating, sleeping and missing lectures due to my depression.Though I was at my worst mentally, these were the best years of my life & most artistic. My eating disorder raged, I was over exercising, I was taking the entire box of laxatives, fasting for up to 5 days, eating no more that 800 calories a day, like ever! I took several handfuls of diet pills a day, I restricted my eating and binged & purged up to 5 times a day. I was very ill though I never looked emaciated. I was sick of being sick though, my hair fell out & I could barley walk up a flight of stairs without almost fainting so I looked for help when I was turned down support from my Dr because my BMI of 17.4 was too high.
I dropped out of my degree in the first year, took my ass to rehab, I walked out after 2 weeks but felt hopeful and looked for an alternative placement but that one I got kicked out for bad behavior 8 weeks later, I thought of myself as so unlovable I couldn’t be helped! I am proud that I went 6 months without making myself sick after rehab.
When I got out of rehab I tried to get myself together and stopped cutting myself and I got a job cleaning for a little while. I moved in with my sister but was made homeless after a couple of months because she was so nasty to me while she fought her own addiction problems and I had Cam in my head. I had been talking to him online for a couple of years and he was a psychopath, literally. I tried to take my own life again whilst ending up in an difficult position with him mentally and emotionally abusing me. He had taken all my friends away from me and was controlling all aspects of my life, I relapsed into my bulimia after gaining weight and being a healthy weight and I took a paracetamol overdose which landed me in hospital for a week with liver damage. See I can’t even kill myself. I felt useless.
I started re building my life, when I moved back to my sisters and the council got me a flat. I went on short courses and applied to go to collage. The summer of 2010 at the age of 25, I met Matthew and I fell pregnant the first time we had sex even though we had used protection and I stopped making myself sick instantly. I had my first child, a girl and I completed a diploma in creative media. I got married, started up a business, I had my second child, a son and bought a house.
But everything fell apart just before my 30th birthday, my husband and I separated because I had an online emotional affair. I moved out of my own home and my life fell apart as I became a single mum, I began drinking daily, I started making myself sick after almost 5 years of being in recovery.I took a break from my beloved work and isolated myself in my home thinking that everyone thought I was a monster because of what I had done to my husband.
I tried yet again to keep it together, managed to stop making myself sick after 2 1/2 months and cut down drinking to a couple of nights a week. But my depression is like a force of nature, my head is a place of hell. I took time out for myself and watched a lot of TV but still couldn’t shake off my head and the demon I have inside.
I ended up having another breakdown and tried to end my life and failed 3 times in one night. I tied a noose on my neck, tied it to my lampshade and stepped on my chair, I grazed my neck quite badly, I wanted it to just all end but I guess I didn’t tie the ribbon tight enough. Then I went to slit my writs in the bath tub, but my knives were blunt and my shitty ass disposable razors were rubbish though I scared myself. The police came round but I warped my towel round me and shook them off. Nothing was going to stop me, I had written my note and this is what I wanted, I wanted to die. I then downed some alcohol and took a staggered overdose. I spent 3 days in hospital and 10 days in an Inpatient respite home. My plan was to go to University in September and rebuild myself yet again, but I chose to difur until I am ready, because my mental health is poor. My partner and I got back together after 6 months break but we still live separately.
I’m very over weight because I binge eat, I go on diet after diet but nothing helps because I am in a mental fight. I joined the gym and I am trying to change my life around by eating healthier and getting back to work. I have been struggling with my health for quite a few years but finally got diagnosed with ME.
WILL I EVER GET BETTER?
Love and light Torri.

My year and little changes.

So through this year I have tried and made small changes. These are some of them.

LUSH

I go shopping at Lush every so often as we don’t have a store in my town so when I am out and about I go in and buy quite a bit! Lush is a local franchise in the UK of hand made fresh beauty products. Shopping in lush is always such a pleasant experience, the staff are always alternative looking which I love because they are real people and friendly, so smiley and always put me a good mood. The staff interact with my children so I can get on with having a look at whats in store without worrying about them touching things and what not. These are some of the products I have got this year.

Trial boxes, I am on this website and it has many offers and what not on it so I have been trying out some of these things.

Early Bird. 

Which is basically like Graze but much healthier, I only got the trial box, I try and eat healthy and that but I have varied tastes and it’s just not for me. Please note I am deleting my Instagram as I am now blogging here instead.

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Simply Cook. 

This basically gives you four recipes and then has all the sauces and flavorings with said meals. However its pretty expensive in my opinion and although the pots with the sauces in flavorings were tasty It’s much more cheaper to by spices in town whilst shopping.

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Toucan Box. 

The Toucan box is a craft box you can get delivered weekly with crafts for your children. I liked it but it was pretty simple and then I got the Weekend box  which was much better.

Weekend box. 

Me and my kids love this! I get the box delivered every week but it got very expensive, so I changed it to fortnightly and just 2 tasks instead of four but I just changed it to monthly as my daughter (Who changes her mind often like a 5 year old does) was getting a little bored and decided she didn’t like crafting so now they are less frequent.

The boxes come with Craft activities, growing activities and cooking/baking activities. It comes with almost everything you need or household items. I particularly like the growing activities, we had a rain forest, bean stalk and something else that has slipped my mind. This helped me with wanting to grow things myself, however in the smaller boxes we Don’t get the green finger boxes 😦

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Graze:

I had Graze for a while, but I found being a fussy eater even though I wish to eat healthier I just don;t like the tastes and boxes. I did change it to the chocolate box and the flap jack box but I just didn’t get on with them and they started stacking up so I un-subscribed.

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Melatonin: 

I have difficulty sleeping so I reached online and it said that Melatonin helps you sleep So I went on line and bought some. Couldn’t find any English suppliers but got some delivered and boy did it help! It allowed me to fall asleep easier and gave me a better quality of sleep without waking up so much. It was quite pricey but I bought it anyway because I was sick of feeling like a walking corpse.

So after I finished the tub, I went online to buy some more but they changed the shipping charges and it was even more pricey so I went to my Dr to see if I could get any prescribed to me. Turns out in the UK they only prescribe it to old people and children (eh?)

But I might get some more after I move so I can be a little more rested over the holidays and keep up with the busy one, well both my children and busy of course but she wants constant need of attention lol

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Dry air Plant

So I bought myself a Dry air plant, see I know that plants are really good for your system and clearing the air in your environment but I have this issue, I kill plants. I even killed my cactus! So whilst I was shopping I saw an Dry air plant and I thought, perfect. Yeah I killed it.

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Bamboo Utensils. 

Aldis is around the corner from me and every couple of months they have new things in to buy. One day whilst doing my weekly shop I saw these Bamboo children’s sets. These were perfect because I want to clear my kitchen and life out from plastic products and live a more natural lifestyle.

These are great but we have cracked a cup, they were just under £8 to buy a set.

Supplements

Because I walk around like death I bought myself a load of supplements to try and boost my energy and improve my overall living. I bought them from Holland and Barrett. Of course having ME basically nothing can help you, but I tried. I think that if you were a healthy person you would most likely have a healthier body if you took added supplements.

Apple Cider Vinegar tablets help with your Digestive health.

Vitamin C helps you recover quicker from ailments and keep you from having colds and boots the immune system.

Multi Vitamins.

Omega fish oil helps feed your brain and is a good fat.

B vitamin complex is good for energy. Having the Vitamin C helps the supplements work better in your system.

Not pictured is a new supplement I bought which is good bacteria.

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Goals & Dreams: 

I wrote all my desires out and put them up where I could see them, having them up in plain sight helps you be motivated to reaching them.

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Incense and Candles. 

I light these daily just to have a nice harmony and smell in the house. My favorite is Nag Champa.

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Himalayan salt lamp. 

My most recent buy was from Amazon and it’s a Himalayan salt lamp, these have massive health benefits. This one is on every single day in my lounge and I will be buying a new one for my bedroom once I move house next month.

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GYM membership 

So in March I got me a Gym membership at DW gym. Well unfortunately I don’t actually get to use it much due to childcare issues. My friend was going to the gym and she was like “Oh I love it, you should join” and as I want to be healthier, exercise more and being a member of that gym previously in 2012, I went in to inquire. Well little sales people there I walked out with a gym membership which I am annoyed with because I wouldn’t have got it if I knew that all the classes were in the morning and they finish at 1/2 pm.

You see my partner (Husband) works till 1 pm on weekdays and as I am a full time mum to our now 2.5 year old son, I have no childcare to go to the gym. All the classes I want to go to are in the mornings such as Yoga, Pilates, ti chi and aqua swim. Now knowing my body I know there is no point in me jumping in and trying to do vigorous exercise, such as the gym, insanity or Zumba as it just wouldn’t work because I simply cannot keep up and my body tiers easily and aches so much so it effects my every day tasks. It would simply be stupid of me to go and do a exercise class like that as it would take me a week to recover.

All the evening classes are more energetic classes, so I can;t even go in the evening to the gym. I was excited as in September my boy got his nursery placement but he only goes one morning a week which is a Wednesday. So I do manage to get there every now and again.

I wouldn’t have got the gym membership if I knew I couldn’t get to the Gym, my mate was like “Oh my hubby will look after your boy while we go to the gym back in March and it lasted around a fortnight. Not only was I walking like 45 mins from my house to theirs to drop him off, but I felt guilty as owt leaving him there.

Last week I tried a drumming class which was just around the corner and only cost me a quid for a half an hours class. The next day I could barley move I was in so much physical pain it was unreal 😦

I do however walk quite often. Here is one of my step counters 🙂

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Healthy eating: 

I have mentioned in previous blog posts my healthier eating and meals.

This is one of them:

Smoked salmon and shredded smoked peppered mackerel with kale and asparagus with w home made sauce.

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So those are little changes and things I have tried out.

That’s me for now, Love and light Torri.

 

Taste tests healthy snacks

So on my quest for the healthy eating thought the year I have been trying new low calorie and fat products and dabbling a bit with quick and simple meals since I am cooking only for myself.

Snacks:

Spelt and muesli slices from Aldi (They tasted like cardboard) with a small tin of mixed bean tuna. Added Black pepper.

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Sugar free D&B sweets from Holland and Barrett, they were dry at first but after you sucked them they were really tasty.

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M&S Carrot batons with Spicy Red pepper humus (Nice, although Id proffered if they made lower fat flavored humus, I really should learn how to make my own!)

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“Healthy” crisps from Aldis- They weren’t too bad to be fair, I particularly liked the quinoa ones.

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I got a few different ones of these from Tescos, these particular ones were good.

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Boots:

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I dont usually get fruit pots with sauce but I decided for a change and it was super yummy, the sauce puts me off because of the sugar content and added high calories.

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Some taste tests:

Slim Rice- this is the tastiest of all the slim range, the others are so rubbery  Still not very tasty but when mixed with other ingredients it’s edible.I wont buy them again. In the section they have noodles and pasta and I bought them from H&B.

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Getting my vegetables
so easy to cook as well so no fuss. Although I’d prefer it not to have Milk and butter tho.
The aloe is actually tasty but the lumps are a bit off putting. I use this mash quite a bit in my cooking as its easier, I also like the sweet potato mash although I’m finding it harder to buy.

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I now often eat Tescos frozen microwaved steamed rice and vegetables mix- 156 calories- with my meals because its super tasty and low in calories.

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This I bought from Aldis and its really nice!! Better when refrigerated.

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So that’s it for now, Love and light Torri.

Homecooked Healthy quick meals

So on my quest for the healthy eating thought the year I have been trying new low calorie and fat products and dabbling a bit with quick and simple meals since I am cooking only for myself.

*LONG POST ahead! *

Shops: M&S- Marks and Spencer’s as well as Aldi and Tescos.

S&P – Salt and Pepper.

Quick meals: 

Mexican bean chili soup (Tinned) and I added chia seeds with spelt and muesli flat bread and homemade mango and banana smoothie.

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M&S food- Expensive but they make good stuff!

Super rice and quinoa mix with salmon flakes.

Smoked Haddock with Microwaved mixed steamed veggies and super rice and Quinoa mix (From M&S)

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1 chicken breast with Tesco fresh (Fridge) Hot chili sauce and Pepper stir fry with Tesco frozen microwave steamed rice and vegetables mix. Yummy = 400k

Tonight’s tea was yummy!
Free from Pesto covered chicken with (frozen steamed) mixed rice (wild rice, peas, sweetcorn and peppers) & mixed steamed vegetables (frozen- carrots, peas and sweetcorn) plus worshire sauce and s&p.

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Home made stirfry with rice noodles, turkey, frozen mixed vegetables and sweet and sour sauce.

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Mixed beans (Tinned) on toasted pinini- I added Worshire sauce and slat and peeper (S&P)

Pannini bread has a quite a few calories and isn’t healthy being a white carb, but I wanted to try something different.

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The stirfry sucked coz it has so many onions in which I hate and purple cabbage again I don’t like

Sauce sucked too

Microwavable wild and white rice with vegetables.
Stirfry veg- with Peas, butternut squash, carrot, cabbage, and mixed peppers and Chicken with sweet Soy, garlic and ginger sauce.

Sweet potato mash (M&S) Tender stem broccoli, Carrots and sugar snap beans (M&S) with smoked salmon and super berry smoothie (M&S) Loads of calories in that smoothie!

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Steamed microwaved frozen veg (Carrots, broccoli and sweetcorn) Deli flavored chicken and root vegetable mash (Tescos) with Mexican four bean (Tinned)

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Smoked Haddock and deli style, (M&S) Tenderstem broccoli, Carrots and sugar snap peas vegetables with Moroccan styled cous cous (Aldis) With Vitamin Water.

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Mexican microwaveable rice with Mexican tinned mixed beans and slamoln slices.

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Quinnoa and rice microwave (Uncle Bens) with Frozen steamed microwaveable mixed vegetable and Turkey in Simply cook test box sauce mix.

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Fried turkey mince with Ainsley Harriet chili couscous and frozen steamed microwavable mixed vegetables.

(home made flavoring of worshire sauce, Oxo cube stock, salt and pepper, lemon juice, turmeric and cayenne pepper)

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Home made Sunday dinner.

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New baby potatoes oven baked with Butter and Mince sauce with microwaved steamed mixed frozen vegetables and Cod fishcake (Aldis, fridge section)

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Spiced flavor turkey with microwave steamed mixed vegetables and butternut squash, sweet potatoes and carrots in mixed herbs. Turkey mixed with Simply cook test box sauce mix. 

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Frozen steamed mixed rice and vegetables with pan fried turkey stakes in Simply cook sauce mix (Simply cook test box)

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My regular steamed vegetables with Turkey an fried in the Simply cook sauce mix- I only bought the tester box, wasn’t so keen on paying so much money for sauces, although some of them were tasty. Wasn’t for me though.

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As pictured lol

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Pan fried oven baked new potatoes in oil and rosemary (As pictured above) then dry oil pan fried with haddock and free from pesto (green)

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Today was delicious!!
Aldis spicy Mexican chicken and mango salad with yesterday’s free from green pesto oven baked new potatoes with garlic oil and rosemary and graze mixed berries selection. Yummy!! Plus flavored water!

A graze snack box, I got these for a while but I did’t like most of them so I switched them to the Flapjack ones and they just pilled up so I unsubscribed.

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Free from Basil pesto (2 Teaspoons) mixed with Pan fried Turkey stake and Root vegetable mash.

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Aldis sweet pepper bell cous cous with smoked Cod. Plus Chili infused olive oil, salt and pepper. As you see a lot of this is convenient food, pre prepared salads and microwaved vegetables.

Then I had a cream bar and fizzy water.

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My favorite rice which is Tescos frozen steamed White and whild rice with vegetables with pan fried fresh Green pepper and Turkey stake with a sauce from the Simply cook trial pack.

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Chicken with smokey 4 bean chilly salad (Tinned) and honey roasted butternut squash, sweet potatoes and carrots mix (M&S)

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Four bean salad with smoked haddock and steamed mixed veggies.

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Tescos Sweet potato fries with Cod Fishcake I added s&p and worstchire sauce.

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Edeme bean and carrot salad with tuna and butternut squash, carrots and sweet potato honey roasted veg.

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Home made from scratch soup, with Pasta, Chicken and Bacon, mixed Vegetables (Carrot, Celery and peppers) Oxo Cube stock and added spices.

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Smoked Salmon slices with veggies (M&S Carrots, tenderstem Broccoli and sugar snap peas) I added my s&p and Worstchire sauce served with carrot sticks with hummus.

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So that’s it for now, I shall make another blog entry with other previous meals.

Love and light Torri.

 

Healthy (Pestecarian) meals out & about

Some of the healthy pestecerian (Checken and Fish meals) I have ordered and bought whist I have been out and about.

I mainly eat at the Lincolnshire otter and weatherspoons.

I ocassionally eat at Frankies and Bennies and Prezzos for special occasions.

I am transitioning back to pestecerian before going to be a Flexi vegan.

Out and about: 

Frankies and Bennies salmon (With fresh lemon juice)
Veggies- Green beans, broccoli and peas with buttered Romany new potatoes.

I also buy this at the Otter and Weatherspoons.

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Morrisons:

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I got this at the Lincolnshire Otter- Pesto covered seabass (Fish) with Grilled Tomatoes (I didn’t eat as I don’t like tomatoes) New potatoes with butter and Green vegetables (Broccoli, Sugar snap Peas, Green beans) & Sweetcorn. I added s&p of course as I cant eat my meals without salt and Pepper. This was super tasty and got me into eating Pesto (Free from kind)

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Fish sushi selection (Available anywhere)

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Tescos Chicken pasta salad (Tomato and basil sauce)

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Ordered this special at the otter today. Can’t remember exactly what it was but sweet potato and quinoa with a healthy flat bread and chill based hummus.

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Prezos fries and pan fried fish salad.

I also had a kick ass martini with this and they give you a shot of prezzo with it! #yum

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Weatherspoons: chilli super food egg noodle salad with added Chciken (This is very filling)

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Lincolnshire otter- chicken salad with Moroccan style giant couscous. Yummy!

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Root Cafe:

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Today I ate at root, it was quite expensive tho.
However I ended up eating my son’s spelt ham and cucumber bun as he didn’t eat it and I ate my wrap later on.
I also had an apple juice I shared with my son and drank my budda drink later also.
I didn’t think much of the seaweed.
I went over to m&s and got some healthy food 🙂

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This Budda drink tasted like crap.

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This was amazing, the Red wraps are tomato based and Green wraps are spinage based wraps!

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M&S salad: This was yummy!

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Well that’s it for now, lots of different meals tasted, most of them yummy, I do like to eat out!

Love and light Torri.

 

Vegan taste tests

In my last post I talked about my history with veganism and my desire to change back to a vegan lifestyle.

Here is what I have tried out in the last year considering vegan products as I have that “I need a meat protein” in my meal syndrome.

Quick meals: 

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From: Holland and Barrett.

Make: Vegan Veggi Delli v bites.

Product: Sage and Marjoram sausages.

What I thought of them: Pretty good actually-a little herby and dry but when added with other ingredients it was fine  Although I didn’t realize they had so many calories in them which is off putting when you like to have 2-3 sausages at a time.

One of my meals: 

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 One of my meals: 

Steamed mixed veggies- Broccoli, carrots and sweetcorn with Vegan herb sausages and Jamie Oliver curried chickpeas.

Plus Zero pop and sunbites bakes.

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One of my meals:

Sweet potato fries cooked in chili olive oil and vegan sausage with kale, broccoli and butternut squash vegetables and a bit of wostershire sauce – yum

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One of my meals:

Jamie Oliver curried chickpeas, steamed mixed veggies- sweetcorn, carrots and broccoli, with vegan sausage.

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From: Holland and Barrett.

Make: Vegan Cheatin v bites.

Product: Chorizo style pieces

What I thought of them: Surprisingly spicy, I liked this! I would buy them again and have done although it wouldn’t be something Id have on a weekly basis. More like that product you get every now and again.

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 One of my meals: 

Soya meat alternative with spinach, mixed peppers, carrot, butternut squash and courgettes spirals (from tescos)

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One of my meals:

Slim Rice with Carrot, butternut squash, spinage, courgette and peppers with added Chia seeds and vegan chrizo style pieces (Spicy)

Plus my banana and pineapple smoothie (Yum)

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Tender stem broccoli, Carrots and sugar snap beans (m&s) with potato, carrot and swede mash and chorizo style pieces.

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Couscous with sultanas and spring onion, chick peas, chorizo style pieces and juice from this morning. I added salt, pepper and wostershire sauce.

Apple, pear and pineapple juice with Beet juice and chia seeds

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From: You can buy this from almost anywhere.

Make: Quarn.

Product: Peppered steaks.

What I thought of it: I actually liked this, again it was a tad dry so ideally marinating it would make it less dry and add a little more flavor but it’s edible and good, Id buy it again but wouldn’t eat it as a regular meal.

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One of my meals: 

M&S Tender stem broccoli, sugarsnap peas and green beaks with m&s Mexican microwavable rice and Quorn peppered stakes.

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From: You can buy this from almost anywhere.

Make: Linda Mcartney (Red box)

Product: Vegetarian sausage.

What I thought of it: Yummy, Id buy again.

One of my meals: 

Peas, spinach and mixed peppers with carrot and swede mash and Linda McCartney vegan sausage. With water.

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Snacks: 

From: You can buy this from almost anywhere.

Make: Naked.

Product: Bars.

What I thought of it: So had this and the bakewell tart one and I’m not so keen, full of good stuff but it’s soft and like a protein bar but softer. I don’t think I’ll be getting them again, not for me.

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From: You can buy this from almost anywhere.

Make: Trek

Product: Bars.

What I thought of it: Nasty, like eating cardboard it was hard and tasteless and like a protein bar, I wont be buying them again.

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From: Holland and Barrett.

Make: Super Foodies.

Product: Organic Brown Granola Coca nibs and mocha cereal bites.

What I thought of it: I ate a dry one to taste and it was vile! I threw the whole box away, wasted money. Nasty. Tastes nothing like Chocolate!

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From: Holland and Barret

Make: Veg. Out

Product: “Italiano” vegetable Lattice slice.

What I thought of it: Tasty although not enough filling so there was lots of pastry which is a little dry and flaky. Would like more filling! I’ve also tasted a different one and they are good for when your out and about and need something quick.

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There are a few more products as well.

Pri peri Sweet potato and mixed bean burgers (yummy!)

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This bacon style maple food product which was horrendous 😦

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Organic Raw Chocolate goji berries (Horrible)

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Tinned mixed spicy beans (Yummy)

Root vegan wraps (Root healthy eating cafe)

Quarn mini cocktail sausages (Had a metallic taste to them)

Various vegi soups.

Graze boxes:

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So that’s it for me, I don’t know if I will continue with buying the alternative “Healthy” style vegan products as so far I haven’t found many i like the taste of and some of these products have turned me off on them since I have wasted quite a bit of money. But I do like some of the products but they are less healthy and my aim primarily is to be healthier. So I am in a bit of what the fuck do I do right now with my meals at the moment.

Love and light Torri.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vegan Victoria

In January I attempted the “Veganrary challenge”as I want to improve my lifestyle, eat healthier and switch back to my veganism.

In 2007 I was Vegan for around a year, the problem I had was that I knew nothing about veganism or knew anyone who was vegan to help with my transition. I was also suffering from a serious eating disorder at the time, so of course I did see this as a bit of a weight loss method as it would get me out of eating a lot of products.

Turns out it was incredibly difficult for me with my raging eating disorder to keep to a vegan diet and in my binges I would eat anything and everything and throw it back up again which unfortunately could be several times a day. I wasn’t a very good vegan, I’d forget at times because my mind was so “food, food, food, feed me!” since I was fasting, and restricting to eating under 800 calories a day or eating only 200-300 calories daily. My brain wasn’t functioning very well and it didn’t occur to me that veganism was a lifestyle rather than a diet choice, I knew a bit but not enough to warrant me an logical informed change of lifestyle.

When I went into rehab to get better from my Eating disorder in 2008, I was forced to eat meat and then told that it would benefit me from being a carnivore, so I converted to a pestecerian diet of eating only chicken and fish and this lasted until 2010 when I fell pregnant and craved meat floured food. I listened to my body and thought that I needed to listen to it and went back to meat eating.

6 years later and in a much better place mentally, I feel I am ready to go back to my vegan lifestyle and this is truly what I want and not a ploy for my eating disorder although that is what Emma believed. I have witnessed first hand abuse to animals living with my abusive step father and it wasn’t simply about my eating disorder its within me.

Of course me, being me I can’t simply just fucking do something so I understand that this for me is a process, a mighty long process so here is my story and wish to change.

I shall discuss my taste tests in my next blog entry, love and light Torri.